Desire Me Read online

  But now…

  Slowly, he draws in air. It doesn’t matter. Volgert, Linden, whoever the hell that troll is working for… he’ll still protect her. Himself too. There has to be a finish line to this, an exit that would allow Cait to live outside the Houses and their hell. After all, he’d made it out when no one believed he could. He’ll help her do the same.

  Somehow.

  A noise comes from the second floor, soft and scarcely more than a whimper, and instantly his tumultuous thoughts are gone. With a sweep of his gaze to the windows, he confirms there is nothing but an empty street outside and then he strides toward the stairs.

  I snap back to consciousness and I don’t know why.

  Eyes wide, I stare around the darkened room, ghosts of nightmares blurring my vision. I’m too hot beneath the white duvet on the massive, California-king bed, and for a moment, all the shadows cast by the moonlight look like people looming over me.

  The hairs on my arms stand on end, a static sensation crackling over my skin. I shove the blanket away and sit up, staring around with wide eyes.

  Shadows become furniture and art. No one is in the room but me.

  A shuddering breath leaves my chest and I struggle to get my magic under control. The last thing I need is Bianca yelling because I’ve accidentally blown up something else in her apartment. But it’s difficult. My heart is still pounding. I’d been dreaming about Volgert’s set, only this time it’d been Amar down in that pit, bleeding to death while I couldn’t do anything but watch.

  I try to push the memory away. I don’t know what woke me up, but I’m deeply grateful something did.

  A choked cry comes from the next room. I look toward the sound. Ruby.

  Scrambling up from the bed, I rush to the door. The t-shirt Bianca lent me hangs to my thighs, while the pajama shorts do little to cover the rest of my legs. Lingering sweat from my nightmare chills me and makes my skin pebble in the cool air. I tug open the door, only to pause when I see Amar at the end of the darkened hallway. He’s shirtless, dressed only in loose cotton pants. Despite my alarm at the noise I’d heard, the sight still makes my heart pulse for a whole new reason.

  He comes toward me. “Are you okay?” he whispers, his voice barely audible.

  “Wasn’t me,” I whisper back.

  The sound comes again, more like a sob this time. I hurry to the guest room at the end of the hall. The door makes no noise when I edge it open. “Ruby?”

  She twists under the bedsheets like she’s fighting something, but her eyes are closed tight. I scan the room fast. No one else is here.

  Amar’s hand comes to rest on my arm. I jump.

  “Do you—” he starts.

  I shake my head. “Just give me a second.” I cross the room to her side. “Ruby?” I take her shoulder. “Ru—”

  She lunges awake with a strangled cry, her fists swinging as if to drive me away. I backpedal fast.

  Eyes wide, she stares at me. “Cait?” Relief flashes across her face and then suddenly it’s swallowed up in fear. Her gaze darts from me to the door where I know Amar is waiting.

  I glance to him. I don’t know what he sees on my face, but after a heartbeat, Amar simply nods. Without a word, he shuts the door, leaving me alone with Ruby.

  “What are you doing here?” she whispers.

  I look back only to falter. She’s scared of me. My best friend in the whole world and she looks absolutely terrified of me. “You were having a nightmare.”

  She shifts on the bed like she’s trying to retreat. “O-okay, well…”

  “Ruby, I’m not a monster.”

  The words blurt out. I clamp my mouth shut to keep anything else from emerging—like maybe a plea that she’ll stop looking at me that way.

  She draws the blanket closer as if it’s a shield between us. “Are you like him?”

  My brow furrows. “Who? Amar?”

  Her expression tightens, unwilling and angry at the same time. “Kyle.”

  I’m not sure what to say. That sick Volgert bastard who kidnapped her is a Legacy too; he’d said that after he took Ruby. But Kyle and I are not the same. Not remotely.

  I have no idea how to explain that. “Not… not exactly. I—”

  “Then what are you?”

  I search for an answer. One that doesn’t involve the words demon or succubus. “They, uh… they call what I am a Legacy. It’s like, half, um, half human and half… not.”

  “Your birth mom.”

  “Yeah.” I hesitate. “I don’t know much beyond that.”

  It’s mostly true. I know practically nothing—except for the fact my biological mother was a succubus, anyway.

  “And these people?” Her gaze twitches toward the rest of the apartment illustratively.

  “They’re good. I mean, Bianca’s kind of a bitch, but… they helped me save you. I met them a few days ago when—” I hedge fast around the details. “—when some weird stuff started happening.”

  “Weird stuff?” She eyes me distrustfully.

  I scramble for an explanation. “It’s hard to describe. It’s not—”

  “You didn’t like Kyle. That day at the café, you seemed… freaked.”

  My mouth moves. I hate this conversation. It’s not cooperating and it’s going to end me up saying something that will make Ruby even more afraid of me than before. “Something seemed off about him.”

  “Did you know what he— That he was going to—”

  “No. I swear to you, no. Not—”

  I look away fast, slamming my mouth shut all over again. I don’t know how to explain. I should have known. Or at least done more. I knew demons could break Protections, after all. For pity’s sake, only about a week ago I’d helped a girl who’d had that done to her. So I should have— “Not what?” she asks.

  I close my eyes, a blur of cursing running through my mind.

  “Cait?”

  The trepidation in her voice is terrible.

  “Kyle found me later,” I say. “Threatened you.”

  A shaky breath leaves her. “Why would Kyle tell you a threat against me?”

  I hesitate. “He thinks I’m involved in something, but I’m not.”

  Ruby stares at me. “And that’s why he did this to me? Why he—”

  She turns away sharply, shaking like she’s fighting the urge to scream or cry.

  I flounder, desperate for something to say. Anything to say that’ll bring that horrified look in her eyes to an end. “I’m sorry, Ruby. I’m so, so sorry. I tried to stop them and keep you safe, I swear I did, but—”

  “Don’t.” She holds up a hand, not meeting my eyes. “Just… don’t.”

  I can’t even move while I wait to hear what she’s going to say.

  “I need sleep,” she continues in the same tense voice. “I just… I need to…”

  She doesn’t move, her hand still raised and her eyes on some middle point between us like she can’t even bring herself to look at me.

  It hurts. God, it hurts.

  “O-okay,” I manage. “I, um… Right.”

  I shift my feet, feeling suddenly like I take up too much space in this otherwise ridiculously large guest room. Uncomfortably, I retreat to the door, only to pause with my hand on the handle.

  “I’m sorry,” I say again. “I swear, Ruby. I’m so sorry.”

  I flee the room.

  Amar is waiting outside. “What happened?”

  I don’t even know where to begin. “She blames me.”

  He hesitates. “She what?”

  I look away. Maybe that was an exaggeration. Maybe I just blamed me. But it felt pretty close to the truth.

  “Cait—”

  I shake my head, cutting him off. “Please, I—”

  I bolt back to the other guest room. I can’t handle this. The way she’d looked at me. The way she hadn’t. I need to wake up and have it be Friday again, before Volgert took her. Before I’d failed to protect my best friend and things had gone even mo
re to hell.

  My feet come to a stop by the bed. I don’t want to lie down. I don’t want to sleep again and revisit those nightmares. I can barely close my eyes without seeing that pit, or Kyle’s horrible grin after he took Ruby, or that troll with his glistening teeth.

  So many monsters. How did my life become filled with so many monsters?

  The door shuts. I don’t turn back. Air stirs when Amar walks up behind me.

  “It’s not your fault,” he says gently. I shift my shoulders against the words. His hands come to rest on me, stilling the motion. “It’s not.”

  I don’t respond. He pulls me around to face him. I can feel him studying me, though I can’t meet his eyes.

  He sighs. His grip moves, dropping from my shoulders to take my hands. He pulls me with him toward the bed.

  I grimace. “Amar, I—”

  “You need rest.”

  My discomfort deepens. Rest. Right.

  “What?” he asks.

  I shake my head.

  Amar sinks down onto the edge of the mattress, pulling me down beside him. “What?” he repeats.

  “It’s nothing. Stupid.”

  He pauses. “You say that a lot, you know.”

  I shift my shoulders again. He obviously doesn’t understand the fine art of burying uncomfortable things.

  The complete bullshit of that thought overwhelms me. But it doesn’t mean I want to tell Amar I’ve been dreaming about him. Even if the dreams were horrible, it’s still sort of embarrassing.

  “Nightmares,” I say.

  “Ruby?”

  “No, just… other stuff.”

  He’s silent for a moment. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

  I look over at him in surprise.

  “For a little bit,” he amends carefully. “To help you get to sleep.”

  I falter, taken back by how much I want to blurt out yes and how unexpected it is for him to offer anything like that where others might learn of it. My gaze skips toward the closed door. I don’t suppose Bianca will find out, though. And it’s not like that matters anyway. Well, sort of. Except for the part where god knows how she’ll react if she discovers Amar has the slightest hint of feelings for me.

  But then, the door’s closed. And it’ll only be for a short while. Maybe that’s why he’s suggesting it.

  I nod. “Okay.”

  He moves to the opposite side of the bed and then slides beneath the blankets. A weird mix of exhilaration and nervousness bubbles through me as I go to join him. The silken gray sheets slip over my skin and, when I near his warmth, every little hair on my body seems to stand on end, like they’re some sort of radar for proximity to him.

  But I can’t stop the nervousness. This bizarre shyness just rushing through me—like despite sleeping together yesterday, I still feel oddly self-conscious around him.

  Though, come to think of it, maybe what happened yesterday is why.

  I look at him, only to find him watching me with the strangest expression on his face. It’s almost a smile. Almost.

  But I’d swear he’s nervous too. The realization makes my heart race.

  He shifts around, propping himself on an elbow next to me. Gently, he reaches over. His fingers brush across my cheek.

  Instinctively, my eyes drift closed and my face turns toward the soothing sensation. I can’t get enough of it, him touching me, even just like this. It’s as if my body comes alive whenever I’m near him. Like all the horror and pain in the rest of my life fades to the background.

  His hand cups my cheek. I feel him hesitate for a heartbeat, and then he draws closer. His lips brush mine.

  Adrenaline overtakes my nervousness. My hand finds his side, gripping his warm skin, and my lips part. After only the briefest pause, he takes me up on the invitation. His mouth devours my own while he shifts around again, moving me back onto the sheets, moving on top of me.

  And it’s a relief, his body on mine. It’s only been a day since he was this close, but I’ve still missed him.

  I wrap my leg around one of his, drawing him tighter against me. A pleased noise escapes him, so soft it’s barely audible. I grin against his lips.

  His hand slips under my nightshirt and up my side. My breasts tingle, craving his touch, and the reward comes a moment later when his fingers embrace one of them. I turn my head to the side as Amar’s lips leave mine and travel down my neck, kissing me, nipping at me, waking up every inch of me. My eyes close, my entire being relishing this sensation, and more than anything, I want him to undress me. I want to lose myself in this, to forget everything for the sheer joy of having him close to me again.

  Even though I know I can’t.

  Amar seems to realize the same thing. He suddenly pauses in his journey down my neck and then a breath leaves him. He’s motionless for a moment before he pulls back, looking down at me in the pale moonlight.

  “Rest, huh?” I tease quietly.

  A smile tugs at the corner of his lip, but his eyes appear pained.

  I reach up, touching the side of his face. “Later?”

  The pain in his gaze lessens. He nods. “Yeah.”

  He kisses me briefly and then he shifts around again to lie down at my side. Putting his arm around my shoulders, he draws me closer. I rest my head on his bare chest.

  Seconds slip by.

  I bite my lip. His skin feels so good beneath my cheek. His body is so comforting beside mine. But now my eyes won’t stay closed. Without the distraction of his touch and taste, the whole day is coming back. Everything we’ve been through. What Ruby’s been through.

  What that troll guy said about me.

  “You okay?” Amar asks softly.

  I hesitate. “Who was that guy? The way he looked at you… It’s like he thought he knew something about you.”

  A pause follows. “I’ve never seen him before tonight.”

  I try to figure out how to respond, because those words aren’t quite an answer. And I think he knows it. “Amar, even those people at the set yesterday were—”

  “It’s nothing,” he says, his voice somehow calm and yet desperate, like he doesn’t want me to finish that sentence. And I don’t know what to do. I could press the issue. I probably even should. But I’m running out of strength for this madness and all the fresh hells that seem to upend my world at every turn. I can’t take much more.

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  His hand strokes my hair and I don’t quite believe it’s my imagination that some measure of tension seems to ease from him, almost like he’s relieved.

  It makes my stomach churn.

  I force myself to close my eyes and concentrate on the gentle feeling of his hand on my hair, on the slow rise and fall of his warm chest.

  And I hope like hell that I’ll wake up tomorrow to find this insanity has come to an end.

  Amar’s gone when I open my eyes.

  I sit up and push the blankets aside. The clock on the nightstand says it’s still early, and the pearlescent light streaming past the curtains seems to agree. Meanwhile, the bedroom door is closed. I can’t hear anything from the hallway beyond.

  I retrieve my clothes from the chair on the far side of the room and leave my borrowed nightclothes there for lack of anything else to do. The hall is silent when I head out the door, but as I near the stairway, I pick up on Amar’s voice from the floor below.

  “—need to be careful.”

  I pause at the top of the steps. Ruby stands by the window, every line of her body tense. Amar is by her side, his attention focused on her and it’s easy to see that she’s the one to whom he was speaking. She’s not looking at him, though. Just like with me last night, she’s not quite looking at anything.

  She gives a tight nod to his words and then puts a step of distance between them like she’s trying to find somewhere else to go. Amar hesitates and then turns away. He strides toward the stairs, only to stop at the sight of me.

  “Good morning,” he says evenly. I wonder i
f Bianca is anywhere nearby.

  “Hey,” I reply.

  Ruby retreats farther into the room. I bury a grimace and start downstairs.

  Amar comes to meet me.

  “You told her?” I ask.

  He nods, watching Ruby from the corner of his eye.

  “And?” I press.

  He’s silent for a moment. “We’ll keep an eye on her. Make sure she’s safe.”

  I glance after Ruby as well. She’s on the far side of the living room now, practically against the wall, like she’s putting as much space between herself and us as possible.

  It’s painful to see.

  “We need to get your apartment back together,” Amar says quietly. “Give her somewhere familiar to go.”

  I look to him, surprised by his sensitivity even if I’m not sure why. He’s been so kind to me every step of the way. “Yeah. Okay.” I nod, even as my brain runs up against the problem of how to do that. Thanks to Volgert, the whole place is destroyed, from the splintered furniture to the sliced mattresses. Meanwhile, I’m pretty much broke and I doubt Ruby’s up to bankrolling a remodel at the moment.

  But I don’t want to tell Amar that.

  “Sure,” I bluff. “I can—”

  “I’ll take care of it.”

  My brow furrows in alarm. Amar shrugs.

  “God, aren’t you all up early?”

  Bianca’s voice cuts off anything I would have managed to say. I turn to see her coming down the stairs.

  “We were just leaving,” Amar replies like the interruption hasn’t fazed him in the least. “I’m going to make a few calls. Get Cait and Ruby’s place back in order.”

  Bianca arches an eyebrow, her expression radiating surprise and baffled contempt.

  “Unless you want them staying here from now on?” Amar continues with a wry look of his own.

  There’s just a heartbeat, barely noticeable, that passes before Bianca scoffs. “Whatever.” Shaking her head, she walks past us and disappears into the kitchen.

  “Come on,” Amar says to me. “Let’s get you both home.”

  It takes all day, repairing the apartment and picking up the pieces of what Volgert’s people left behind. The living room is a total loss. Much of the bedrooms too. Even some of our clothes have been destroyed, ripped apart by the same assholes who’d shredded the mattresses, chairs, and couch.